


We Need To Start Over

by klanceft



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 2017 Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Another Phanfiction, Dan Howell - Freeform, Dan Is Raped, I Am Trash Oops, I Have Never Written Smut Before So That Would Be An Adventure, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'ts 2am And I'm Writing Phanficton Wtf Is My Life, M/M, Off the Grid, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Running Away, There Is Swearing Of Course, goodbye internet, hints of suicide, maybe smut later, this is the most fun i've ever had, this will be kinda fluffy, you never know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 13:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10336052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klanceft/pseuds/klanceft
Summary: Dan and Phil can't escape their life, and they can't handle it. They have stalkers, and Phil knew it was time to end it when Dan had gotten into a situation where he was raped because of their fame. But the rapist won't leave them be. So Dan and Phil fake their deaths, in order for them to change their appearances and live off the grid.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy!

Dan didn’t know why he was doing this. He couldn’t believe this would be his last video ever. The thought saddened him, but it was for the best. Everything was set up and ready, his last step was to make this video, his final video, and end the life of the person known as danisnotonfire.

Dan adjusted the stack of papers by his feet. He couldn’t mess this up. The success of the plan was resting on his shoulders. He turned on his camera, looked into the lens, and took a deep breath.

“Hello Internet. So as you may know my best friend, AmazingPhil, or Phil Lester has died two weeks ago. Over this period of time I have come to the conclusion that it would not be fair to go on without him.”

Dan looked up as if he was trying to hold back tears. He shut his eyes and breathed. He had to pull this off.

“I will not be continuing with DanandPhilGAMES, or danisnotonfire. It would not be the same to carry on with The Sims, or the channel in general. Phil was the only light in my life, and frankly my only reason to live. I had wanted to die for the first few years of my life, and Phil was the only thing to pull me back from the brink.”

Dan wringed his hands over and over. This was going to be the hardest thing he has ever done.

“Thirty is too young; he was practically just beginning his life, though he had done so much. What really hurts is that I am the reason he died.”

That was partly true, he thought to himself. Dan kept flickering his eyes from the camera to off the left side of it. He couldn’t believe that he was ending it all, everything they had built up over the years.

“I could have stopped him from killing himself in those woods. I knew something was wrong, he kept telling me small things, until it built up to suicide. I knew, yet I was so caught up in my own self-loathing that I ignored the signs.”

Dan was a theatre kid; he was very good at this. As he was going fast through the script at his feet; he decided to pull out the waterworks. He was becoming confident in his act.  
“He was the reason I started creating content on YouTube, I wasn’t confident in myself whatsoever, and every video I uploaded I was tempted to take down. Phil stopped me, and assured me that whatever I made was worth it.”

Dan wiped some tears off of his face. He realized that he was actually crying for real now, straying from his act.

“I will never forget any of it, from the cat whiskers to Melapples. I remember it all. This was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and it’s sad to see it go.”

Dan fumbled with the hem of his jumper. It was one of Phil’s favourites, the one with the geometric-looking owl on it. It was a bit small of course, but Dan decided that wearing Phil’s clothes made his video more believable. When did Dan become so much bigger than Phil anyways? He could remember the time back in 2009, when he was just a small teenaged boy. Love-struck, he had acted like an obsessed shy girlfriend, always wearing his boyfriend’s oversized clothing.

He was getting off-track. He needed to finish this so that his life could be like 2009 again. He glanced back up at the camera with a frail grin.

“Now for the answer to the biggest asked question, one that I bet literally every one of you thought at one point; Phan was real. It always was, and always will be. Phil was my only true love, and I will never betray him with another.”

Dan looked down and grasped the couch with both of his hands. It was probably time to wrap things up, forever.

“I am very sorry everyone. But I can’t go on. Not without Phil. I was in denial at first, but now I know that this is the correct decision.”

Dan looked up and straight into the camera lens.

“I have decided to end my life.”

His voice had waivered slightly. Dan smiled internally, that would help the act. He coughed weakly and continued on.

“Once you have seen this video, it will be too late. I promise you that the decision I had made has caused me no pain, do not worry. I want to be with Phil for the rest of my life.”

Dan made steady eye contact with the camera in front of him.

“I love you guys. Just because I cannot go on doesn’t mean that you don’t have the rest of your life to do something great. If you are at a low point in your life, just know that you will find your sunshine. I already found mine, and if a pile of trash like me is able to do that, than you will be able to as well. And when you do find that sunshine… my god, never let that sunshine go. You never know how long it will last until nighttime comes around.”

That was too heartfelt, this is becoming too real. He strayed from the script. He had to cut it off now or this will hurt him too much.

“So, go out and do something great. Be that sunshine for someone else.”

He glanced down at the script. Fuck it he said to himself, and brushed the script out of the way with his foot. He looked back up and spoke as danisnotonfire for the last time, with tears running down his face.

“Guys, this is the most fun I’ve ever had. And I am glad to have shared it with you. Now, for the last time,

Goodbye Internet.”

Dan wiped the sweat off of his hands onto his black jeans and stood. He reached over and shut off the camera.

“So that’s it then?” Dan wiped the tears out of his eyes and looked at his boyfriend, who was standing to the left of the camera with his arms crossed. “No more AmazingPhil or danisnotonfire?” Dan chuckled slightly and shook his head. He rushed over to Phil and collapsed into his arms. Phil hugged him tightly and Dan whispered into Phil’s shoulder.  
“No more AmazingPhil or danisnotonfire.”


End file.
